Mr Smith's New Nose
One morning, he woke up and his new nose didn’t work.
"What’s the matter?" asked Mrs. Smith
"My new nose doesn’t work – it’s blocked."
"Maybe you’ve got a cold," suggested Mrs. Smith.
"That’s impossible! This is a genetically engineered Bodyco nose! It doesn’t get colds!"
But it was true – the new nose did not work. It was blocked and Mr. Smith couldn’t smell anything.
He went back to the Bodyco shop.
"Good morning, Mr. Smith," said the assistant. "What would you like today?"
"I want a new nose," said Mr. Smith.
"You already want a new nose!" said the surprised shop assistant. "But you’ve only had this one for a month! Don’t worry, small noses are still fashionable!"
"No, you don’t understand," said Mr. Smith. "I want a new nose because this one doesn’t work!"
"That’s impossible," said the shop assistant. "You have a genetically engineered Bodyco nose. It can’t go wrong!"
"But it has gone wrong," replied Mr. Smith. "It’s blocked and I can’t smell anything".
"What have you used your nose to do, Mr. Smith?" asked the shop assistant.
"What have I done with my nose? That’s a stupid question! I haven’t done anything unusual with my nose. I’ve used it to breathe and to smell, as usual!"
"If you have not used your nose correctly, Mr. Smith, it is possible that it will not work correctly."
"That’s absurd!" shouted Mr. Smith. "I want my money back! I want a refund!"
"I’m afraid that we do not give refunds, Mr. Smith. There was no guarantee with this nose."
Mr. Smith was so angry that he didn’t know what to say. He walked out of the shop, and didn’t say anything.
But now he had a big problem: a useless nose. Fashionable, yes. Useful, no.
Unfortunately, his problem started to grow. The next morning he woke up and found he couldn’t hear anything. Then his new blond hair went grey. Then his new knees didn’t move. Then he couldn’t see a thing with his unusual green eyes. His fingers fell off, one by one.
Eventually, Mrs. Smith put him in their aircar and flew to the Bodyco shop. She carried her husband into the shop, because now he couldn’t walk.
"Good morning Mr. Smith," said the shop assistant. "What can I do for you today?"
"Mr. Smith wouldn’t like anything new at all today, thank you," replied Mrs. Smith. "But he would like his old body back!"
"I’m afraid we don’t give refunds, Mrs. Smith."
"I don’t want a refund," explained Mrs. Smith. "I want my husband’s original body again! I liked it more than this new one!"
"I’m afraid that’s very difficult, Mrs. Smith," said the shop assistant. "We are an environmentally-friendly company. All our old bodies are recycled."
"But the new body parts that you sold him don’t work! What can he do now?"
"He could buy a reconditioned body."
"What’s a ‘reconditioned’ body?"
"It’s an old body that has been modified."
"Can I have a look at one?"
"Certainly." The shop assistant spoke to his computer, and a reconditioned body appeared. It was a very familiar body. Mrs. Smith recognised the big nose and the grey hair.
"But that’s my husband!" shouted Mrs. Smith. "That’s the original Mr. Smith!"
"Yes, that’s right," said the shop assistant. "We reconditioned Mr. Smith’s old body".
"Can he have his old body back then, please?"
"Certainly, Mrs. Smith. That’ll be 100,000 euros please"
"100,000 euros!" shouted Mrs. Smith. "That’s very expensive, isn’t it?"
"Mr. Smith has been reconditioned!"
Mr. Smith got his own body back, and Mrs. Smith flew him back home in the aircar.
"I’m myself again!" he shouted.
"Not exactly," said Mrs. Smith. "You have been reconditioned."
"What does ‘reconditioned’ mean?"
"Well," said Mrs. Smith. "I think it means that you have a new brain!"
"I think that will be very useful," said Mr. Smith.
"I think so too, dear" said Mrs. Smith.